Hi, its been awhile I never log in to my blog. Not sure whether how many of you are still following my blog. Most probably peoples already forgot my blog address. Well its fine anyway. For some peoples, the reason why they are active in blogging because they want to show off how great their life is. They post things that are happy, but those unhappy they will not reveal in their blog. Somehow, Facebook become my blog also because I can update a very short sentence of my thought of the day there.

This is the 52th week of 2010.

Last year 2009, I told myself I want to graduate in 2010 and find a good job.

Thanks god I got myself a job in the best foreign bank in Malaysia and the 6th biggest financial service provider in the world, HSBC Bank.

Its kind of tiring for me to travel everyday from Klang to Kuala Lumpur.

It is a good start anyway, its time for me to know how far i can climb with my own ability.

I said before, I want to work in big corporation. This is where I am now.

2010 is consider a very transforming year for me because everything changed.

The biggest changes is my relationship. I lost my 8-year relationship. Yes, love is fragile.

I not sure whether you still read my blog or not as I already delete you in my facebook and MSN.

Guess what? I hope you still reading my blog. Because the next is what I want to tell you how I feel and this is what you never give me a chance to say.

Thanks for being so cruel to me so I can get rid of you so quickly.

Of course, the process is fucking hurt and I cant even imagine hows my life gonna be without you. From 2002 until now, although you not beside me physically everyday, but you are the only person I can count on for this 8-years besides my parents. From high school to college and even long-distance relationship, we gone through almost everything.

I will never thought of you cheat on me.

But it happened.

You never sms another girls beside me. You are not flirt. You never tell me which girl is pretty and sexy because in your eyes, I am the prettiest.

But you left me too.

I can seriously tell you, I dont know why at all.

Also, I have a bf now. I guess you have heard of it.

People tend to ask me, "do you think the current he is better than ur ex?"

I would say, no comment.

Because I doesn't want to compare both of you at all.

Because you already out of my life and probably in someone's life.

I told everyone I have a 8-yr relationship before, everyone was so shocked , they was like, how come I waste 8-yr-time on you and I dont hate you at all.

Actually I do hate you.

But, no point for me to hate you already.

I have a very good life , I love my current life, it's fine for me to exclude you from my life.

You are like nothing to me now.

Because I struggling for this relationship for so many years, I am always the first to communicate with you and I know this relationship won't last long.

Sarcastic right?

Knew that it wont lasting, but somehow I still kena dumped by you.

Do you know why?

Because I always thought you will understand, you will change, you will discover it yourself although you don't tell me anything whenever there is a problem.

Time proves me wrong.

All my expectation are wrong.

What you have left to me?

Nothing.

You are being decent enough to bear with me among this 8-years.

Should I appreciate you?

Seriously, if I wish you live happily ever after with your another half here, I am a total liar.

I am not that generous.

I wont wish you and I wont curse you as well.

As I said, everything is like ashes for me.

Who cares about New Zealand.. who cares about Christchurch being destroyed by the earthquake.. who cares about those photos.

All that are the most painful memory for me.

I tried to put myself in a dangerous life. Club everyday, drinks every night, reach home late every night until my parents nearly kick me out from the house and cut off my financial resources.

Until I met my current boyfriend.

He brings me toward ups and downs, he guided me with the full of heart, he accompany me whenever I called.

He is a good people.

Miao mee is fine as well.

I thought I would have a lot to tell you. At least 3 pages or something.

But when I really want to write it out, I realised there is nothing much I want to tell u actually.

When something is gone, it's gone.

Alright, I guess it's enough for now.

Happy New Year to me and to all of you .

story time

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

p/s: nope, i am not able to save mine.

I was thinking, why people need a companion ? why so many peoples keen to find their life partner and no matter how they falls, they will still keep looking?

However,

even if you found the right one, it wont be the right one for your entire life.

People do change. Without any notice.

We can't manage to know what everyone thinking, there is no alert for us to be careful something is gonna happen next, we have to take extra precautions.

If its gonna happen, it will. No matter how.

That's why there is thousand million peoples with broken heart in a day.

Somehow, I was thinking that, when my mum give birth on me, I was alone.

In future, when i getting old and leaving, I will be still alone.

No people will gonna die together with me.

If so, then why we need companion when we alive?

Because we afraid to be alone, that's why we give chances to other peoples to break our heart.

Passion have its risks. That is the risk i will never afford to pay and predict.

Really dont want to stay in Malaysia anymore.

I hope my father will allow me to go USA. Let me live alone. I want to see how far I can , how tall I can climb, how lonely I can bear. I want to be very independent.

and I dont mind to build wall around me. If only that can keep me away from heart broken.

Belum Rainforest @ Pulau Banding

Approximate 5 hours 30 mins journey from KL to Pulau Banding, with 130 million years of age, Belum rainforest is the oldest tropical rainforest. During 1980s, this place is still remain unknown and not open to public. Until 1990s, belum rainforest still under very strict control and high security from the ministry of Perak and the Jabatan Perhutanan Malaysia. In order to protect the environment, they limit the number of visitors to 80 pax per trip.

Pulan Banding is a man-made island as well as the man-made Temenggor Lake which surrounding the island.

Basically this trip is all about our assignment for MKW 3121. However, we also get to enjoy the natural paradise very much.

There is only 3 of us but we got this big comfy bed and pillows

i like this design... feel like want to sleep here but due to some reason i didnt do so :P

corner of the cafe :)

super nice fountain beside my room :)

A very big welcome from EMKAY group

our room number 109 :)

As I mention this trip is kinda academic purpose, we supposed to have night trekking on the first night but due to heavy rain, the trekking was cancelled. Therefore, we end up spent our time in the hall and listen to the introduction of the entire EMKAY group.

Of course, We found our own activities in this perfect windy night.

It was Henry's birthday as well, so we went kitchen to find something like muffin or little cakes and candles.

And we manage to find a little muffin with a candle on it.. So, make your wish.

poker card is a must for every trip .. lol

This is our nightmare... coffee and tea powder with sugar.. very bitter like chinese medicine

self-timer group pic is a must :)

29/7/2010 the date of a crazy and full-of-laughter night.... we slept at 2 something and we need to get up before 7 am on the next morning. We all manage to wake up!

My Breakfast :) love the sambal sotong

>

Evvon and Henry

his name is Flanz Toast :P LoL

Heading to the jeti :)

Kai Xin & Cheryl's birthday :)

There are 2 birthday girls on this month :)

Kai Xin was turning 21 and Cheryl turning 22.

The surprised was held right before my last but not least presentation which weighted score kinda heavy.

I actually dun bring my dear baby cam to school often because I going to have dinner with my friends on that night so coincidence, and I can get to capture some photos (actually not some, is quite a lot.)

Trying to upload the photos that is not been uploaded in facebook :)

surprise birthday cake..blow the candles after wishing :)

Monash library
Library can be a good spot to take pictures :)
Ivy posing..

Cyn and Janics are both enjoying the cake

Here comes the birthday girl again! Happy birthday to you, Kai Xin :)

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Next, Cheryl's big 22nd in Italian restaurant -- Vincenzo, Bangsar

Formerly a bungalow house but turns into a restaurant in Bangsar residential area.

First time celebrating your birthday with you, hope you have a blast one!

Emo pose :P
My beef bacon pasta... it is quite delicious overall for me
I think this is henry's mushroom pasta? Looks nice also..
Pre-served bread and it is real nice after mix with olive oil

Ivy with all the money from us :P
the bill of the night ! wow ....
This berry cake from Alexis was superb! seriously
Cheryl give Evvon a kiss :P

joan dee with cute pose ;)

now the bridegroom may kiss the bride :P
cheryl if you saw this pic you can steal from me :P

Last but not least...

As u know i'm too slow in talking, walking, everything and also not good in express myself with wordings, I always have so much to say inside my heart but ends up nothing came out from my mouth.

Therefore I choose to use pictures to explain the moment we all had together because only that can captured the precious moment and no matter what changes in the future, the pictures doesn't change.

Happy birthday to you too, Cheryl :)

Remember that I mentioned I always want to have a new camera?

and Yes I bought it last week and I'm so in love with it now...

My new love Panasonic Lumix GF 1 !

There's a dispute on whether this is a semi-pro camera or a formal DSLR..

What I can say is... the size is just suit me well, as I can bring it out often and put it in my handbag without worrying its heavy ! The effect is the most I've been fascinated about !

So no doubt for me to think this is a really worthwhile investment that I ever made before.

Somehow, the lens can be interchangeably with Leica! As long as you have the enough money to buy a Leica lens (cant imagine the price) .. Of course I plan to buy Lumix lens first...

I always think that Lumix is a really good camera brand compared to Canon and Nikon.

Well, everyone's preference might be difference.

Lets see the picture I've taken past few days..

See?
Will take more n more photos in the future :)

Yesterday was Evvon's birthday party at her house in Kepong.

However, chap goh mei haven't reach yet, so still consider in the period of Chinese New Year, but it seems already pass for a long long time ago.

And I can't manage to get an ang pao from uncle loh! hahahaha

As usual, Carlsberg always the must have for every party session.

Super poison of the night -- Chivas Regal 18-year ! They drink it without mixer -_-

Guess who's this?

The super poison left less than a half bottle . but not much of them got drunk. salute!

Nothing much. Trying to be artistic.
Captured by my digital camera
I'm really considering to invest in a DSLR.

CNY Eve

Chinese New Year is just around the corner, time flew like a jetplane. However, over these few weeks, I am really happy because I get to meet all my dear friends, play together, chit-chat together... What else on earth are better than this? Of course, happy moment gone really fast without realising it. Well, at least I'm happy for the past few weeks, who cares what gonna happen in next few weeks?

I do admit I don't like working life at all, now i mean, it doesnt represent anything in future, but I know exactly where the problem is.
Unfortunately, I have to work as well after my class commenced.
What to do? have to finish all my job first then only I can quit.
There's always two-side, good and bad, in every matter.
The good one is, I am no longer in financial crisis.
The bad one is, you know, you are the only one people can let them put the blame on you, no matter its ur fault, or their fault, what-so-ever, THEY NEVER WRONG ONE.
Even though its their fault, you are still the one who have to clean up the shit.
and listen to the whatever shit reason, "I can't make everyone happy" etc..
So does it mean you can make everyone unhappy?
Bull shit.

I can't escape and prevent.
I know its not my fault, but I know the only thing I can do is to keep quiet.
Not because I am weak,
Its because I RESPECT YOU.
They will never get this.
Forget it.
This is what we called reality
So friends, please stay with me, then I am satisfied already.
Always hope for the least.

Today, I went servicing my car, and it cost around RM500.
Then, went shopping around, bought some really nice chinese tea - PU ER ( I love tea).


And then, had "not-my-first-lonely-lunch" in Bangsar



Thai food. Forgot the restaurant's name.

The original 100% Ice Lemon Tea (Nice!) tom yam soup (must have!) Green curry beef and rice.

Actually I do worried all these will cause my stomach cramp because it is all spicy and sour food, not really suitable for me. But I still loving it :) Luckily my stomach very good to me today, or else I don't know who gonna drive me home -_- It cost me around RM50, quite expensive, but worth it la. At last, I didn't manage to get anything from Bangsar :P

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Another thing,

Elicia is going off to Australia next monday... So, she held a little farewell + birthday party in her house. Hope you like my pressie :P

LupYan, the 'largest' present ever :) He keep saying dont la stop la, but we know he actually very enjoy in how they decorating him very much.

Although its not so long that me and Elicia know each other, however I do find we both have some similarity.. (quite clumsy..sometimes lah).

And you are a strong lady, at least for me, you are.

Wish you all the best in Australia and don't let anything bring you down :)

That's all for today :)

Lunch@Kepong

Today was a pretty Sunday. Thanks to evvon chua who invited me to have this awesome nasi lemak in her aunt's house, how much I wish my mum could cook that nice also? hahaha.

I've tried all these, except the long bean with belacan? I miss the sotong filled with mince meat so much now.

After that, we headed to Evvon's house and check out the used clothes that our girls want to sell out. Bought 1 floral dress from Elicia for only RM25 ! hahaha.. Can I bring mine too?? :)

Well, that's all for today :) Bye folks.

文商聚餐会@ feb 6

趁我还有心情写部落格，就赶快update, 不然等下一拖再拖到最后就什么都没有了

这个月的行程还真的很满下，加上新年的来临，很多朋友都回来了，我最喜欢就是新年来临的时刻 :-)

这次的dinner 比上次好很多，好吃的程度不用质疑，况且我比较不喜欢自助餐，要走来走去自己拿食物又没有人serve.... 再说地点也适中，距离我们的母校也不远，很多人都会来，就算路痴应该也没有问题吧 :)


高一的同学 :)
豪杰肥了，希望你的呼呼也可以一样变肥 :)

这样都给你想到穿中学校服去，我的都不知道丢去那里了

团体照，有些人不懂跑去那里了miss 掉

我还蛮喜欢这个蒸鱼

鱼翅汤，还不错


新年的时候大家应该还会再见吧？

希望明年的聚会也可以像今天的一样成功 :)

Hello 2010

Make a wish on this brand new year.
What would u wished for?

For me, i hope everyone around me is healthy, everything go smoothly, that would be the perfect one.

I don't have any checklist for my new year resolution, doesn't mean i dont want to have any changes but just want to let it go with the flow. Plan always change eventually because life is unpredictable wasn't it?

I would like to change my layout for my blog but i just can't find the nice one. This layout is utterly simple, but I used it quite some times already. Maybe keep it simple is good also.

By the way, I want to get myself a new DC this year.. i got canon already and now i want to go for Panasonic Lumix FX 65!